So I'm starting to get pretty committed to the idea of not working for a while post-Allurent. Or, at least, not working more than a few days a week. It's just time; I'm a little scared and a lot excited.
The past few years I've been learning - or trying to learn - all this stuff about music, and I feel like I've hardly had a proper moment to really get it right. The part that kills me is that I can tell that when I do spend time with it, I learn things quite fast. Like... leaps and bounds faster than the rest of the time. But I just don't get to it, or I'm too tired, or whatever. That really sucks.
Will this change with more free time? I hope so. I'm kinda under the assumption that I've been putting a lot of my mental capacity into my job. It certainly seems plausible - I spend my most productive waking hours sitting in that office every day. What if I had those hours to myself? That's what I need to find out.
So I have no idea what'll happen when I'm suddenly not working. Will I last, or I will I drive myself insane not having a place to go every day? Will I keep it up for three months and then decide that I've had enough, and go back and get a job? Will I last six months? Will I last a year? I will be eating through my savings by doing this. If I go six months and then contract for six months, I think that is a sustainable model.
Maybe a few months is all I need. I have no idea! But I'm going to fucking find out, bitches!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Worry about your time once you have time to worry about your time
Had dinner with Annalisa and Daniel tonight.
That's a pretty odd way to start a post, as I think you two are the only ones who actually read this thing.
Everything you said tonight gave me a lot to think about. After I got home, I talked to my brother as well, and his suggestion was just taking some time off. Maybe a month. Something like that. Just... not doing anything for a while.
I'm feeling a bit rudderless at the moment. I'm not really sure what I want to do, or maybe I've been doing it all so long I don't really know what I actually care about. Maybe I just need to take an extended trip or something and not think about all this for a while.
I feel like trying to go back to class this year is rushing it. I don't know that I want to be tied down to weekly classes and lessons for the next nine months right now.
I want to go sit in the MFA and think. I want to get out of the country and think. I want to take a road trip and think.
My brother repeated for me something that a friend of his told him a few years ago, which is that you should worry about what to do with all your free time once you have the free time to worry about it. Don't try figuring out what to do with your time before you actually have it - use the time itself to figure it out.
When my head is all full of programming and things-I-want-to-do, how am I supposed to know what it is I really ought to be doing? I feel sorta apathetic about everything.
I dunno. Not working is feeling like a decent option at the moment, at least until I know what I want to go back to.
That's a pretty odd way to start a post, as I think you two are the only ones who actually read this thing.
Everything you said tonight gave me a lot to think about. After I got home, I talked to my brother as well, and his suggestion was just taking some time off. Maybe a month. Something like that. Just... not doing anything for a while.
I'm feeling a bit rudderless at the moment. I'm not really sure what I want to do, or maybe I've been doing it all so long I don't really know what I actually care about. Maybe I just need to take an extended trip or something and not think about all this for a while.
I feel like trying to go back to class this year is rushing it. I don't know that I want to be tied down to weekly classes and lessons for the next nine months right now.
I want to go sit in the MFA and think. I want to get out of the country and think. I want to take a road trip and think.
My brother repeated for me something that a friend of his told him a few years ago, which is that you should worry about what to do with all your free time once you have the free time to worry about it. Don't try figuring out what to do with your time before you actually have it - use the time itself to figure it out.
When my head is all full of programming and things-I-want-to-do, how am I supposed to know what it is I really ought to be doing? I feel sorta apathetic about everything.
I dunno. Not working is feeling like a decent option at the moment, at least until I know what I want to go back to.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Beautiful, short run.
It's beautiful out - just barely 70 degrees, and feels cooler. Somewhat windy. I went out at around 11:00 AM or so and ran down to Harvard through the back streets, out to the river, and back towards the Elliot St. bridge. Once there, I was kinda worn out (late night?), and started walking. That's about a 2.7 mile run.
I then walked myself back home, for a total distance of about 4.4 miles. Here's the map:
ICA and Half of Central Square
Went out to the ICA yesterday afternoon, and was joined by Eric O. and Helena. Eric and I walked over from South Station, which was delightful, and Helena met us there maybe twenty minutes later.
Charles LeDray's work was quite nice. In Eric's words, much of it evoked some sort of dirty, Sears department store in the '80s. He had viewers moving around a lot - a row of hats on the wall, well above your head, to miniature racks of clothing on the floor with a drop ceiling hanging over them that prevents you from properly seeing it at all unless you kneel beside it. There were shelves covered in hundreds (thousands?) of tiny clay and porcelain pots, vases, cups and bowls, each one unique.
Dr. Lakra was, in my opinion, a trifle disappointing. His work was primarily concerned with augmenting existing prints/photos/old magazines of people by covering their bodies with what appear to be Central American-style tattoos. My current problem with it is that they appeared applied in a slapdash sort of way. It was as if he was using the figure's skin as a flat canvas to draw on, which made the tattoos feel inconsistent and out of context even more than they already were (which, I imagine, is part of the point).
After leaving the ICA, the three of us took the T back to Central Square (around 5:30 PM or so), where we got a drink at Central Kitchen whilst waiting for Shannon to appear. There was a goat cheese plate with berries. There was also a Left Hand Milk Stout, and a... Final Ward? Chartreuse, rye, lemon juice, and some other sorta fruit flavor I can't quite remember. Nice.
Shannon appeared around 6:30 - 7:00 PM or so, and we went over to the Middle East for dinner. Delightful, as always. I had Tofu Cous Cous and a hummus plate. The former was some cous cous on the side, several large, grilled slabs of tofu on a bed of various veggies, and a bunch of chick peas on the side.
After dinner, we went back across the street to the Enormous Room for an hour or so. There was gin and tonic. This was an interlude, designed to delay whilst we waited for Zuzu to become club-like around 10:00 PM.
It eventually did so. It was, apparently, soul night. Yes.
We stayed until closing. Great night!
Charles LeDray's work was quite nice. In Eric's words, much of it evoked some sort of dirty, Sears department store in the '80s. He had viewers moving around a lot - a row of hats on the wall, well above your head, to miniature racks of clothing on the floor with a drop ceiling hanging over them that prevents you from properly seeing it at all unless you kneel beside it. There were shelves covered in hundreds (thousands?) of tiny clay and porcelain pots, vases, cups and bowls, each one unique.
Dr. Lakra was, in my opinion, a trifle disappointing. His work was primarily concerned with augmenting existing prints/photos/old magazines of people by covering their bodies with what appear to be Central American-style tattoos. My current problem with it is that they appeared applied in a slapdash sort of way. It was as if he was using the figure's skin as a flat canvas to draw on, which made the tattoos feel inconsistent and out of context even more than they already were (which, I imagine, is part of the point).
After leaving the ICA, the three of us took the T back to Central Square (around 5:30 PM or so), where we got a drink at Central Kitchen whilst waiting for Shannon to appear. There was a goat cheese plate with berries. There was also a Left Hand Milk Stout, and a... Final Ward? Chartreuse, rye, lemon juice, and some other sorta fruit flavor I can't quite remember. Nice.
Shannon appeared around 6:30 - 7:00 PM or so, and we went over to the Middle East for dinner. Delightful, as always. I had Tofu Cous Cous and a hummus plate. The former was some cous cous on the side, several large, grilled slabs of tofu on a bed of various veggies, and a bunch of chick peas on the side.
After dinner, we went back across the street to the Enormous Room for an hour or so. There was gin and tonic. This was an interlude, designed to delay whilst we waited for Zuzu to become club-like around 10:00 PM.
It eventually did so. It was, apparently, soul night. Yes.
We stayed until closing. Great night!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Quite the ride.
Did a lot of biking yesterday, riding all over Cambridge/Watertown from home to work, to Harvard Square, to Jason and Kat's, back to Harvard Square, and finally back home. It came out to about 14 miles. I wouldn't mention it, except that I can feel it today, so clearly it was worthwhile. It was 90+ degrees outside, and I was mostly a hot mess each time I got where I was going.
Here's a lovely, enormous map of the route:
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