I'm feeling very unproductive today, and indeed, am being very unproductive today.
Yesterday was a weird mix of good talks with Redstar and removing a significant portion of the side of my thumb with a god damn vegetable peeler. I can't play guitar without putting too much pressure on the stupid thumb. I'm feeling a little flustered and annoyed, and admittedly I've done nothing today save play video games and eat a bagel. It's concerning to me right now that I don't have anything to do until Sunday afternoon.
I'm having a moment of not really being that sure of myself, or what I'm supposed to be doing right now. Is it reasonable to say that I shouldn't just go get a full time job? Do I want something with stability after all? Do I want to get really involved in a startup? Do I want to try to not get overly involved in a startup? Should I just say fuck it for a month and leave town? Where would I go?
I've made this decision not to work right now. I'm still, maybe, not quite sure that I'm using this time effectively. There's a point, I'm sure, when taking time off becomes less about recuperation and finding direction and becomes more about being lazy and not wanting to work. I'm not really sure if I've hit that. I'm certainly taking it easier, and giving myself more down time than I'd be able to if I worked full time. Is it reasonable to get used to that, and to treat it like the norm? Is this how people are supposed to live, if they could only find a way?
Maybe this is one of those times when you're supposed to call your mom.
1 comment:
Don't over analyze it. When you were working full time I know you had the occasional day where you got nothing done, wondered where the day went, and wondered what was going on. I see this as the same thing, but in this case your work is trying to find out what really matters to you and how you what that to influence your life. That's a big question that isn't easy to think about and I know when I try I usually flail around, get depressed and just watch movies. The important part is to understand you'll take a few steps in a particular direction, probably fail, but that's no reason to stop exploring.
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