Monday morning run.

Went for a run this morning for the first time in a while.  It was cold, I was in new shoes, and I'm out of practice, so I went easy on myself.  I went from Porter down to the corner of JFK Park at JFK and Memorial, and then walked myself home.  In total, that's 1.9 miles of runnin', and a total of 3.8 miles of actual movement.

It wasn't so bad out, all told.  My thermometer told me it was mid twenties out.  I didn't bother to bring gloves and just kept my hands in my base layer's pleasantly long sleeves until I warmed up.  All in all, not bad.  I'd prefer to keep it up, though I'm not sure about these new shoes.  Can't decide if they bug me, or if I'm just out of practice.

Here's the map:

A below average day.

I'm feeling very unproductive today, and indeed, am being very unproductive today.

Yesterday was a weird mix of good talks with Redstar and removing a significant portion of the side of my thumb with a god damn vegetable peeler.  I can't play guitar without putting too much pressure on the stupid thumb. I'm feeling a little flustered and annoyed, and admittedly I've done nothing today save play video games and eat a bagel.  It's concerning to me right now that I don't have anything to do until Sunday afternoon.

I'm having a moment of not really being that sure of myself, or what I'm supposed to be doing right now.  Is it reasonable to say that I shouldn't just go get a full time job?  Do I want something with stability after all?  Do I want to get really involved in a startup?  Do I want to try to not get overly involved in a startup?  Should I just say fuck it for a month and leave town?  Where would I go?

I've made this decision not to work right now.  I'm still, maybe, not quite sure that I'm using this time effectively.  There's a point, I'm sure, when taking time off becomes less about recuperation and finding direction and becomes more about being lazy and not wanting to work.  I'm not really sure if I've hit that.  I'm certainly taking it easier, and giving myself more down time than I'd be able to if I worked full time.  Is it reasonable to get used to that, and to treat it like the norm?  Is this how people are supposed to live, if they could only find a way?

Maybe this is one of those times when you're supposed to call your mom.

It's a fine time for a revolution.

Had a lovely day today to round out 2010.

I spent a few hours in Dado reading a fantasy novel (Belgarath the Sorcerer), and then followed it up with a really wonderful, productive hour or two writing lyrics. Not just poems, but composing words that feel more like lyrics and less like the stream of my consciousness floating by.

I'm starting to figure out how to write music, and I'm also figuring out what I want my music to sound like. I'm figuring out what I want to share. This sort of progress is how I want to remember this year - as the year, more than any other thus far, when I really started figuring my life out.

I successfully left full time software development, at least temporarily, a few months back. Doing that - which I have yet to seriously regret for a second - has been very helpful, and has given me the space to really think about what I want and what I care about. I've learned a lot about myself and being me. About what makes me tick, about what my faults are. I'm glad to have a greater understanding of my idiosyncracies, and I'm glad to know they're there.

I'm starting to understand, really, what I want to convey to the world. To shape it into something I can present to you with love, hope, and nary a shred of embarrassment.

I'm learning to have real confidence in what I bring to the table when I need to interact with others (and you thought I thought highly of myself before), and I'm learning to know when to step aside.

In past years around this season, I've often felt like the year went by and nothing really changed. Not this year.

I don't know where I'll be this time next year. I can't even begin to take a guess. All that lack of determinism is scary, but also incredibly exciting. I know that it'll never really be as different as I might guess, and that it'll also be foreign in completely unpredictable ways.

So cheers, Future Us. I think we're all looking forward to meeting you. Happy New Year!